■ Meeting in a dimly-lit room, a cabal of bankers - led by John Malkovich - agrees to lend unprecedented sums on risky assets for apparently altruistic reasons, such as housing the poor-but-worthy. The bankers say all the right things, but somehow look too pleased with themselves.
■ The storyline cuts to poor-but-worthy couple - Joaquin Phoenix and Jennifer Lopez - as they agonise over borrowing to buy a home they desperately want but can barely afford because "Daddy always said he'd sooner trust a coyote than trust a banker," says Lopez, looking anxious.
■ Cut to Washington where John Malkovich assures Morgan Freeman as the US president, with Ben Kingsley as the chairman of the Federal Reserve Board and Richard Griffiths as the governor of the Bank of England in close attendance, that "bankers just want to serve their country, Mr President". All smiles.
■ Phoenix and Lopez overcome their doubts and move into a new house in uptown New York. More smiles.
■ Meanwhile in Washington, President Morgan Freeman is worried. He calls in Messrs Kingsley and Griffiths to explain something called "securitisation". "You could say it's just a charade," begins Governor Griffiths jovially. "A charade? But these bankers are playing with people's lives." "Yes, Mr President, but it always works out in the end." The president looks sceptical.
■ Back in uptown New York, Phoenix loses his job as a truck driver. "Sorry, son, but if I ain't getting' paid, I can't pay you," explains his boss. Phoenix looks worried.
■ Anxious bankers meet in an oak-panelled board room. Squabbles break out; blame is chucked around. "Gentlemen, gentlemen," says Malkovich. "Relax. Be calm. The plan is working out nicely." A thin-lipped smile. His acolytes look relieved.
■ Scenes of mayhem in financial markets. Maybe a banker or two leaping from windows 40 floors up.
■ Ashen-faced, Malkovich goes to the president. "I'm sorry, Mr President, I guess we're not as smart as we thought. But right now isn't the time for blame. There's a way of life to be preserved and only the central bankers can do it." "Gentlemen?" says the president turning to Messrs Kingsley and Griffiths. "Whether we like it or not, Mr President, the banks need money. We'll have to run the printing presses night and day," says the Fed's Kingsley. "But dare we risk it?" gasps the Bank of England's Griffiths. "Do we have a choice?" replies Kingsley. The camera cuts to Malkovich. There is a glint in his eye.
■ Alone in his office, Malkovich calls his secretary: "Buy the bombed-out securitisation issues," he says. "I want all of them. Every last derivative of a derivative." Malkovich looks his most malevolent.
■ More scenes of mayhem in the markets, but this time it's euphoric - bankers eating $100 bills, snorting coke.
■ Phoenix and Lopez are sitting on the front steps of their house. They have just been evicted. "What I can't understand," says Phoenix, "is how come these bankers are making so much money and we are losing our home?" Phoenix looks distraught.
■ Lopez leaps to her feet. She looks as if a light has turned on in her brain. "C'mon," she says. "We've got to go." "Where to?" says the hapless Phoenix. "Wall Street."
■ In his office, Malkovich has taken his bonus in rare gems, which he is stuffing into a brief case. He calls his secretary - "Cancel my appointments" - and leaves.
■ On Brooklyn Bridge, Malkovich meets Phoenix and Lopez coming from the opposite direction. There is a stand off.
■ President Morgan Freeman arrives, accompanied by Fed chairman Kingsley. Some distance behind, the roly-poly governor Griffiths arrives breathless. President Freeman looks his most presidential.
■ "You duped me. But, worse, you duped the people," President Freeman tells Malkovich. "You duped yourselves," Malkovich snarls back. "Everyone wants something. But no one's willing to pay the real price for it. I just saw that and took advantage of it." Malkovich looks triumphal.
■ "It's your turn to pay the price," shouts Phoenix, leaping at Malkovich. A struggle ensues. Usual stuff. After much squealing from Lopez, groaning from Phoenix, and grimacing from the central bankers, Malkovich plummets into the icy East River, taking his ill-gotten bonus with him.
■ The protagonists stare at the ring of dull water as Malkovich's hand disappears for the last time. "At least he was right about one thing," says President Freeman. "None of us is willing to pay the real price for what we want, and that's what we're going to have to start doing." They all look reflective.
■ As the camera pans away, they turn and walk back towards Manhattan and its financial temple, Wall Street, where crowds of bankers wait to greet them. Somehow the bankers look nicer.
Naturally, that's just a spoof. But it poses a serious question: have today's investment bankers simply taken advantage - albeit unwittingly - of everyone's unwillingness to pay the real price for what they want? At the moment, it looks that way. So, when the actual boss of the Federal Reserve, Ben Bernanke, thought he was saving the world from depression, all he was really saving was Goldman Sachs's bonuses. That's an irony that Hollywood simply could not grasp.
